


Am I pretty yet?

by LocalTrashCanTM



Category: youtube - Fandom
Genre: #amazingphil #anorexiarecovery #phan #danielhowell #gay #selfharmawareness, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-01-08
Updated: 2018-07-23
Packaged: 2019-03-02 02:39:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,326
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13308678
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LocalTrashCanTM/pseuds/LocalTrashCanTM
Summary: Dan tries to lose weight til the point he's anorexic just to impress his secret crush Phil





	1. Chapter 1

I looked in the mirror again feeling sick. I looked so fat! I had fat rolls! I was so hideous! No one would ever love me if I was fat! Especially not him. If I even thought about asking him out when I looked like this he would laugh in my face! Then he will probably start bullying me like everyone else. I need to be skinny. I need to be skinny. I need to be skinny! He won't even look at me if I look like this fat disgusting pig! God no wonder no one loves me! IM SO FAT! I'm so ugly. I'm so pathetic. I can't do anything right. That's why mum beats you and dad left. If only I weren't such a fucking mess. I don't know why I had to have this shitty body. Maybe if I were prettier, or smarter, or less pathetic someone might actually like me. But no, I'm just dan Howell, you're average fuck up. I'll never amount to anything ever. I've tried killing myself, but I couldn't even do that right! I woke up the next day in the fucking hospital cause I paused out in a park. Some stupid old woman worried about me. I hate that woman. I know her heart was in the right place, but a useless piece of shot like me deserved to die. I hate that woman, I hate my mum, I hate my dad, I hate my school, I hate myself, I HATE EVERYTHING! I just want to die. Why can't I just die? What is there even to live for. ...Phil. He's the only reason I don't slit my throat open. I still have a sliver of hope that maybe one day he'll notice me. Maybe he will notice me if I'm thinner. I just have to get thinner.


	2. Breakfast

I woke up around 4 in the morning and couldn't go back to sleep so I decided to just go ahead and get a shower. I turned on the water to as hot as it could get before stripping. I looked in the mirror and saw all my ugliness. I mean hell my stomach stuck out, I didn't have any muscles, and I had way to many scars to ever be called pretty. I stepped into the water and relished in the burning warmth. As I finished my shower, I realized it was 4:45. I still had over two hours before I even woke up! I decided to just get ready and scroll through tumblr. I wore a plain white shirt and some black skinny jeans. I put on a big hoody so my mum couldn't see how fat I was. I didn't need to be reminded of my ugliness. I checked the time again to see that it was only 5. I layed back down on my bed and just began to scroll through tumblr. I went through tumblr until my alarm clock started blaring at 7. I quickly turned it off before heading downstairs to make breakfast for my parents. I didn't do it last week and that resulted in a two hour beating. I didn't want that to happen, so I made a breakfast of eggs, toast, bacon, and pancakes. Once I finished, i set the table and laid out their breakfast. I put on the coffee and got out the orange juice. Once the coffee had finished, my mum and dad walked in. They quietly sat down as i gave them their drinks. My mom glared at my while my dad read the paper. After about 2 minutes of them chewing and me standing there awkwardly, my dad stood up and slapped me. I didn't flinch or move. I waited to move until he was sitting back down. "Next time, don't fucking stare while we eat faggot." I answered with a yes sir before grabbing my backpack and heading out the door. I stop by a convenient store to put some foundation for red hand print on my cheek. 


	3. The schoolyard

As I made my way to school, I started to apply the makeup. I was just lucky he didn't give me a black eye or anything. It's very hard to cover those up. But it's not like anyone cares. I'm just the depressed gay freak. Hell, not even the teachers care that I get beat up almost every day. They only give me detention for being late when I have to drag myself to their godforsaken class. As I entered the schoolyard, a few heads turned to look at me. I looked down and slowly made my way to a bench. I never sit with anyone because who would want to be friends with some as hideous and terrible like me? The answer: no one. "Hey look it's the fag!" I knew that voice. It was Chris. For some reason, he and PJ made it their job to torture me through high school. They're Phil's best friends and I can't blame them for bullying me. If I where them I would bully me too. Phil has been trying to make them stop since freshman year, but after our junior year he gave up. I'm just happy he tried for me. No one has ever done something that nice for me before. I was thrown out of my thoughts when something hit my arm. I winced and looked to see that someone, Chris probably, had thrown a rock at me. "Ah shit, I missed!" Chris whined. "Ah, so the target is my face I presume." I thought. My guess was proven correct when a large rock hit me square in the face and Chris yelled "BULLSEYE!" I touched my face and soon realized it was bleeding. I was about to go clean up when three more rocks hit me. "Where the fuck do you think you're going ya fag? We were just getting started!" I had two options then. A.) leave and get my ass beat or B.) stay and have rocks thrown at me. I chose the safest option, B. I sat back down and looked down as they continued to hurl rocks at me. They were about to throw a hogs rock at me when a voice broke over the heard of kids screaming "STOP!" The person broke through the crowd to reveal the ocean blue eyes, raven-haired boy Phil. "What do you think you're doing!? He's not some animal or game! He's a person just like you! How would you like it if people threw rocks at you?! I bet you wouldn't like it! So just go the fuck away!" Phil never cusses. The fact that he did scared some people. He then walked over to me. I started to get flustered. I mean who wouldn't?! If your crush just protected you and was now approaching you with the softest and sweetest smile and looking at you with the kindest and gentle eyes, you would too. "Hey, are you alright? Well, of course, you're not you just had rocks thrown at you. Do you need to go to the nurse? Like do you think that they broke your nose? I swear if they did I'll make sure they get expelled. It's not right to just throw rocks at people and it's just inhuman! I'm sorry I'm rambling. Let's get you cleaned up." The whole time he was talking I wasn't paying attention. I just couldn't believe he was actually trying to help me. He even threatened to get some kids, some of his own friends, expelled for bullying me. He reached his hand out for me to grab. I grabbed his hand and I swear I felt sparks. I stared at him wide-eyed. He stared at me the same. Did he feel the spark too? As if a switch was flicked in him, his eyes changed from curious to gentle. ”Let's get you to the nurse, ” he said as he dragged me along.


End file.
